Feeling pretty low at the moment.
We live in a first floor flat, which is advertised as having shared parking. The so called shared parking is on the road parking. This areas not the best, I've had a rear window wiper and a vent stolen from my car before. Considering bikes are easier to steal then cars, colley keeps his in the block under the stairs. Today a council man come round and said he is no longer allowed to keep it there, or anywhere on the inside of the wall surrounding the grass outside as that is communal areas and they will "take action". When we said about the parking problem and the thefts all they had to say in reply was that it wasn't their problem. No, it's ours and it makes life difficult.
The council man also came round because of so called complaints from the middle block about dog poo. When we take carla to the toilet we always take her over the fields, and if she does ever do anything outside the flats we clean it up. The council man even said he had a look and couldnt see any. Thats got me thinking, maybe the next time they come round it will be to tell us to get rid of Carla, and it aint happening.
So I've been trawling through the rental properties in the area and the max rent we can afford at the moment is £300, which leaves us with a 1 bedroom flat and no money for other bills or food shopping.
We shall have to wait for another year at least until I have left University and got a decent job until we can afford anywhere else. And the thought of that is a little depressing. I've been looking for a job relevant to psychology but they all want experience, which obviously, I dont have.
Can I fast forward my life by about 2 years please?
Little ol' me
Monday 23 May 2011
Friday 6 May 2011
bad sarah
can't believe it's been a month since my last post! bad sarah! well, it's been a busy month, I've done a lot, but I've got nothing to write about.
Literally, this past month has been filled with coursework, revision and work. I should be revising tonight but I can't even seem to get started and I know nothing will sink in when I'm in this kind of mood. The exams monday aswell so that's not really a good attitude to take. They finally announced our courseowkr results yesterday aswell, after making us wait 2 months instead of the usual 3 weeks...all with no explanation as to why really. I think I'll do ok, I've got a B on the coursework and I do know the material. The only thing that's going to stump me is names of people. Also, as I didn't start revising until quite late I haven't read in depth that much, but I know the basic arguments and have a fair idea of what the questions should be like. Unfortunatly, every time I've felt that this year about an exam or coursework they've changed something or gone against what they said they would do. For example, our Cognitive Psychology exam. We were PROMISED there would definatly be a question on the Emotional Stroop Test as there is every year, so for that lecturers part of the exam we would be sound to just revise that. There are alot of areas in cognitive psychology and the exam covered 6, though we only had to pick three questions to write. So, what most of the people I spoke to did, myself included, was to revise Emotional Stroop for that section of the exam. It was drilled into us all semester. "emotional stroop this...emotional stroop that...what affects the emotional stroop...what can it be used for.." you get my drift. So, we all walk into the exam room quite confident that we know we are able to at least write a decent essay on that question. And the lecture didnt write a question about it. At all. no mention of the Emotional Stroop. He decided to write about Real time Processing and the Cognitive Failures Questionnaire instead. I hadn't revised either, but I did sort of remember the CFQ lecture so I started to write about that and twisted it in the direction of the emotional stroop. Now I'm hoping that the biology lecturer doesn't do the same thing.
This biology exam covers lots of areas aswell: sexual jealousy, sexual behaviour and orientation, sleep, aggression, language, split brain, polygraph and the dopamine hypothesis of schizophrenia. Theyve told us to focus on 4 or 5 areas, so I'm looking at sleep, aggression, ploygraph and dopamine hypothesis. I might have a quick go over the split brain tomorrow just so I have something else as back up, no matter how little it might be. I think it's just to much to expect from students, to write indepth essays, evaluating and describing theories, in seven areas. Especially when 2 weeks before they had to hand in 2 pieces of coursework for other subjects! My mind cant multi task that much information adequately.
Apart from that, not much has been going on.. We went to see Skindred the other night and they were amazing, and to let off steam we're going to see Derren Brown on Tuesday night so I'm really looking forward to that.
My hayfevers acting up at the moment so I'm all bunged up with a cough. Lovely. Please go away before Derren Brown! I'd hate to be dragged on stage sounding like this and unable to breathe through my nose.
Carla's doing well with training, We now have a halti head harness for when we walk her which means she no longer pulls. Well, until you take the halti off then she reverts back to old habits. Taking her to the vets tomorrow. Been thinking it was time to clean her ears. I checked them yesterday and they didn't look to bad, I had to remember to get some wipes from the shop on Saturday. But I checked them today and one is bright red and slightly inflammed. I'm hoping it's not an infection from dirt and more something she may have picked up from the foxes and long grass on the nature reserve,
I have been feeling swamped lately by all the animals. They all seem to need cleaning out at the same time, which is all the time, and we don't always have the time to do them. We do have some spare time, but when you get in from an 8 hour + long shift the last thing you feel like doing is spending a hour or so cleaning turtles or a lizard. Even on my days off I forgert about the guinea pigs until the evening and then I'm tierd and feeling guilty for not doing them. I'm promising myself now. My first day off work after my exam and presentation I will clean at least 2 of the animals. Thing is, Colley never helps but always wants a life somewhere and that takes time up. i'm one of these people who, when the mood to do something takes them, has to do it there and then, or in the order I've thought about it, and Colley always says do it later. If I leave it I fidget alot as I can't just sit there. I'm always thinking "I should be doing this...I NEED to be doing this NOW!" and when later comes around I'm no longer in the mood to do it and I end up really grumpy and arsey.
My prmoise goes out to you my pets, you WILL be cleaned my first day off after wednesday, I WILL ignore Colley (in a nice way) and not do anything else until you have been sorted. You have my word. There, now I've said it I have to do it.
Well, that's it for now. I've written alot about nothing really. Same as usual then.
Bye
Literally, this past month has been filled with coursework, revision and work. I should be revising tonight but I can't even seem to get started and I know nothing will sink in when I'm in this kind of mood. The exams monday aswell so that's not really a good attitude to take. They finally announced our courseowkr results yesterday aswell, after making us wait 2 months instead of the usual 3 weeks...all with no explanation as to why really. I think I'll do ok, I've got a B on the coursework and I do know the material. The only thing that's going to stump me is names of people. Also, as I didn't start revising until quite late I haven't read in depth that much, but I know the basic arguments and have a fair idea of what the questions should be like. Unfortunatly, every time I've felt that this year about an exam or coursework they've changed something or gone against what they said they would do. For example, our Cognitive Psychology exam. We were PROMISED there would definatly be a question on the Emotional Stroop Test as there is every year, so for that lecturers part of the exam we would be sound to just revise that. There are alot of areas in cognitive psychology and the exam covered 6, though we only had to pick three questions to write. So, what most of the people I spoke to did, myself included, was to revise Emotional Stroop for that section of the exam. It was drilled into us all semester. "emotional stroop this...emotional stroop that...what affects the emotional stroop...what can it be used for.." you get my drift. So, we all walk into the exam room quite confident that we know we are able to at least write a decent essay on that question. And the lecture didnt write a question about it. At all. no mention of the Emotional Stroop. He decided to write about Real time Processing and the Cognitive Failures Questionnaire instead. I hadn't revised either, but I did sort of remember the CFQ lecture so I started to write about that and twisted it in the direction of the emotional stroop. Now I'm hoping that the biology lecturer doesn't do the same thing.
This biology exam covers lots of areas aswell: sexual jealousy, sexual behaviour and orientation, sleep, aggression, language, split brain, polygraph and the dopamine hypothesis of schizophrenia. Theyve told us to focus on 4 or 5 areas, so I'm looking at sleep, aggression, ploygraph and dopamine hypothesis. I might have a quick go over the split brain tomorrow just so I have something else as back up, no matter how little it might be. I think it's just to much to expect from students, to write indepth essays, evaluating and describing theories, in seven areas. Especially when 2 weeks before they had to hand in 2 pieces of coursework for other subjects! My mind cant multi task that much information adequately.
Apart from that, not much has been going on.. We went to see Skindred the other night and they were amazing, and to let off steam we're going to see Derren Brown on Tuesday night so I'm really looking forward to that.
My hayfevers acting up at the moment so I'm all bunged up with a cough. Lovely. Please go away before Derren Brown! I'd hate to be dragged on stage sounding like this and unable to breathe through my nose.
Carla's doing well with training, We now have a halti head harness for when we walk her which means she no longer pulls. Well, until you take the halti off then she reverts back to old habits. Taking her to the vets tomorrow. Been thinking it was time to clean her ears. I checked them yesterday and they didn't look to bad, I had to remember to get some wipes from the shop on Saturday. But I checked them today and one is bright red and slightly inflammed. I'm hoping it's not an infection from dirt and more something she may have picked up from the foxes and long grass on the nature reserve,
I have been feeling swamped lately by all the animals. They all seem to need cleaning out at the same time, which is all the time, and we don't always have the time to do them. We do have some spare time, but when you get in from an 8 hour + long shift the last thing you feel like doing is spending a hour or so cleaning turtles or a lizard. Even on my days off I forgert about the guinea pigs until the evening and then I'm tierd and feeling guilty for not doing them. I'm promising myself now. My first day off work after my exam and presentation I will clean at least 2 of the animals. Thing is, Colley never helps but always wants a life somewhere and that takes time up. i'm one of these people who, when the mood to do something takes them, has to do it there and then, or in the order I've thought about it, and Colley always says do it later. If I leave it I fidget alot as I can't just sit there. I'm always thinking "I should be doing this...I NEED to be doing this NOW!" and when later comes around I'm no longer in the mood to do it and I end up really grumpy and arsey.
My prmoise goes out to you my pets, you WILL be cleaned my first day off after wednesday, I WILL ignore Colley (in a nice way) and not do anything else until you have been sorted. You have my word. There, now I've said it I have to do it.
Well, that's it for now. I've written alot about nothing really. Same as usual then.
Bye
Wednesday 6 April 2011
Moving Forward
Today's been great! For months now I've been trying to get some volunteer work that would be relevant to the career i want when I leave uni and would give me the experience I need. Today I went for an interview with SOVA for their On Trak project working with ex-offenders.
They're running my CRB check and Im booked on a 3 day training course in May! I'm so excited, but at the same time a little disappointed. Colley believes that working with ex-offenders and my final career goal of working with people who have personality disorders is all a bit to dodgy. He doesn't think it's safe and not a wise thing to do.
It's the only thing that I've found that I want to do. I do have a back-up plan, sorta, in case things don't go the way I plan. I'd like to work with animals if I fail at psychology, but I do have my heart set on Rampton Hospital. Colley says he'll support me whatever I want to do, but I want to re-assure Colley somehow that everything will be OK.
Anyway, I'm still excited, but also nervous, about hopefully starting volunteer mentoring.
Just a quick update today, I'll write more another time. Tarrah!
They're running my CRB check and Im booked on a 3 day training course in May! I'm so excited, but at the same time a little disappointed. Colley believes that working with ex-offenders and my final career goal of working with people who have personality disorders is all a bit to dodgy. He doesn't think it's safe and not a wise thing to do.
It's the only thing that I've found that I want to do. I do have a back-up plan, sorta, in case things don't go the way I plan. I'd like to work with animals if I fail at psychology, but I do have my heart set on Rampton Hospital. Colley says he'll support me whatever I want to do, but I want to re-assure Colley somehow that everything will be OK.
Anyway, I'm still excited, but also nervous, about hopefully starting volunteer mentoring.
Just a quick update today, I'll write more another time. Tarrah!
Wednesday 30 March 2011
Lennox
http://www.savelennox.co.uk/
All I can say is please please read this dogs story and sign the petition. Any dog lovers out there would be devastated if this happened to them and I would be if anyone tried it with Carla. Lets help bring him home :-)
All I can say is please please read this dogs story and sign the petition. Any dog lovers out there would be devastated if this happened to them and I would be if anyone tried it with Carla. Lets help bring him home :-)
Tuesday 29 March 2011
It's All In The Calm Assertive Energy
The dog psychologist came over today to see Carla. She now has a set of rules for in the house which will hopefully calm her down and stop her believeing she is the dominant leader of our pack. To start with, when the doorbell goes she has to sit away from the door and wait. When visitors come in they have to ignore her until she calms down and then they can pay her attention.
Pretty much the same when going out. She has to sit and wait for us to go through the front door, down the stairs and through the block door. She has to be behind us whenever we go out, or even through doors inside. Any behaviour such as whining or barking when to excited must be corrected quickly. A harder tone is needed for commands and a softer tone for calling her, and giving praise.
The ultimate goal in the next two weeks is to create a calm atmosphere, with us being ccalm but assertive so Carla becomes calm but submissive. Once progress has been made here, then we can work on her behaviour on and off the lead outside. The whole family has to be involved in her training, and all visitors are asked to ignore Carla until she calms down. Hopefully we can manage this and she can be a happy, friendly dog, able to walk off the lead without me worrying about other dogs and how she will behave.
Keep it calm and assertive!
Pretty much the same when going out. She has to sit and wait for us to go through the front door, down the stairs and through the block door. She has to be behind us whenever we go out, or even through doors inside. Any behaviour such as whining or barking when to excited must be corrected quickly. A harder tone is needed for commands and a softer tone for calling her, and giving praise.
The ultimate goal in the next two weeks is to create a calm atmosphere, with us being ccalm but assertive so Carla becomes calm but submissive. Once progress has been made here, then we can work on her behaviour on and off the lead outside. The whole family has to be involved in her training, and all visitors are asked to ignore Carla until she calms down. Hopefully we can manage this and she can be a happy, friendly dog, able to walk off the lead without me worrying about other dogs and how she will behave.
Keep it calm and assertive!
Friday 25 March 2011
Took a quick break from university work to give you all an update.
Well, work's the same. Had a rude customer the other day who managd to reduce me to tears but Im carrying on. Still applying for other jobs, though I didn't get the museum waitress one or heard back from the office assistant. And still no response from the probation service about my voluntary stuff. Guess Ive not got that either then!
As for Uni, well, I'm getting there slowly on the work. One piece of coursework is about 2 thirds done now, just the hardest piece left, and Ive not started the other one yet, yet alone the presentation or revision. It all seems a bit overwhelming this semester. I am contributing to the psychology society bake sale on the 11th April which will be fun. Im making my lovely chocolate brownies and victoria sponge cake.
Now for the rest of my life. Carla's been good today, made a lot of progress in learing to roll over. She still needs work on obeying commands when you're not standing right next to her but getting there slowly. But as for the other behaviour...hmmm. Her dominance problems is still there, and probably getting worse. She pinned another 2 dogs the other day. One was a jack russell that was aggressive and biting a lot. The owner picked it up, it bit him and he tried to blame Carla for doing it. Thing is, the bite was tiny and not in an area she could have reached. His dog could have though as he held it up in his arms. And plus, if you get bit by a staffy then you'll be saying a bit more than "ow..oh bugger." I got hold of a dog psychologist now though and he's coming over tuesday for a consultation with us, which i am excited about. We took Carla to see her sister the other day and she's always been the one dog she loved and would play with, but she pinned her and started growling at her! The teeth came out aswell so we had to pull her away. Im hoping this guy can help as i dont think its fair for her to be stuck on the lead when we go on a walk. everyone elses dogs on the nature reserve dont come over and pin others dogs. they get to run around, play and interact with other dogs. my goal is to be able to walk Carla like that and be able to trust her by the end of the year.
The weathers been gorgeous lately. We've been sat outside today; me typing up my coursework and Carla sniffin and sunbathing, with her lead wrapped around my ankle though! Spring and summer do generally make me happy. Springs a time of change and i do want to make a resolution to be healthier and do my best to get my skin clear. I was doing well the other week but i have slipped a bit. In order to maintain clear skin I seem to have to drink over a litre of water a day and use the facial scrub a minimum of twice a day. that doesnt sound hard to do but when i get back from work i tend to just collapse into my pjs and snuggle into bed; when im on a close that is, and i always seem to be on a bloomin close recently. i will make sure i do my best this week though. i hate being 23 and having spots.
i shall update after tuesday with news of dog psychology and any progress with Carla!
Well, work's the same. Had a rude customer the other day who managd to reduce me to tears but Im carrying on. Still applying for other jobs, though I didn't get the museum waitress one or heard back from the office assistant. And still no response from the probation service about my voluntary stuff. Guess Ive not got that either then!
As for Uni, well, I'm getting there slowly on the work. One piece of coursework is about 2 thirds done now, just the hardest piece left, and Ive not started the other one yet, yet alone the presentation or revision. It all seems a bit overwhelming this semester. I am contributing to the psychology society bake sale on the 11th April which will be fun. Im making my lovely chocolate brownies and victoria sponge cake.
Now for the rest of my life. Carla's been good today, made a lot of progress in learing to roll over. She still needs work on obeying commands when you're not standing right next to her but getting there slowly. But as for the other behaviour...hmmm. Her dominance problems is still there, and probably getting worse. She pinned another 2 dogs the other day. One was a jack russell that was aggressive and biting a lot. The owner picked it up, it bit him and he tried to blame Carla for doing it. Thing is, the bite was tiny and not in an area she could have reached. His dog could have though as he held it up in his arms. And plus, if you get bit by a staffy then you'll be saying a bit more than "ow..oh bugger." I got hold of a dog psychologist now though and he's coming over tuesday for a consultation with us, which i am excited about. We took Carla to see her sister the other day and she's always been the one dog she loved and would play with, but she pinned her and started growling at her! The teeth came out aswell so we had to pull her away. Im hoping this guy can help as i dont think its fair for her to be stuck on the lead when we go on a walk. everyone elses dogs on the nature reserve dont come over and pin others dogs. they get to run around, play and interact with other dogs. my goal is to be able to walk Carla like that and be able to trust her by the end of the year.
The weathers been gorgeous lately. We've been sat outside today; me typing up my coursework and Carla sniffin and sunbathing, with her lead wrapped around my ankle though! Spring and summer do generally make me happy. Springs a time of change and i do want to make a resolution to be healthier and do my best to get my skin clear. I was doing well the other week but i have slipped a bit. In order to maintain clear skin I seem to have to drink over a litre of water a day and use the facial scrub a minimum of twice a day. that doesnt sound hard to do but when i get back from work i tend to just collapse into my pjs and snuggle into bed; when im on a close that is, and i always seem to be on a bloomin close recently. i will make sure i do my best this week though. i hate being 23 and having spots.
i shall update after tuesday with news of dog psychology and any progress with Carla!
Friday 18 March 2011
A quick catch up...
I've not written a post for a while and to be honest I've not really been upto much. Just the same routine, walking the dog, coursework, uni or work. I'm also trying to find time to make my nans mother's day present. Me and my aunt are doing a joint gift and we've got a photo album that we're putting old and favourite photos in.
The one exciting thing I have done was I drove a scooter for the first time. I love bikes and have been wanting a go on Colleys little 125cc for a while now. I only drove it on the grass round the flat and didnt get faster than probably 10 mile an hour but it was fun. It feels so fast when you're not encased in steel. I wouldn't think nothing of going 80 on the motorway in my car but on a bike you can actually feel the reality of the speed. I hope he lets me have another go. I would actually like to keep it in a straight line and put my feet on the rests this time!
I'm still working at good ol' Napoli, but have been giving my life a lot of thought recently.Considering what I would eventually like to do as a career I am hoping to get some related volunteer work by the end of the summer, and I would like a more professional job. Serving food is ok as a part-time job, but I'm 23 and I don't feel like I'm fulfilling my potential or even being challenged. The only problem is I don't have the experience or qualifications to apply for a more professional job. I'm going to have a look later and see what I can find but there is a job shortage and a major problem is the amount of people going for one job.
I can understand employers wanting someone with experience, but without someone giving us novice's a chance no-one can get any experience! I'm just a bit over eager to get out there an form a career I think. I'm impatient and i really want to be living the life I imagine myself living in about 5-10 years from now.
Well, hopefully next time I'll have something a bit more interesting to natter about!
The one exciting thing I have done was I drove a scooter for the first time. I love bikes and have been wanting a go on Colleys little 125cc for a while now. I only drove it on the grass round the flat and didnt get faster than probably 10 mile an hour but it was fun. It feels so fast when you're not encased in steel. I wouldn't think nothing of going 80 on the motorway in my car but on a bike you can actually feel the reality of the speed. I hope he lets me have another go. I would actually like to keep it in a straight line and put my feet on the rests this time!
I'm still working at good ol' Napoli, but have been giving my life a lot of thought recently.Considering what I would eventually like to do as a career I am hoping to get some related volunteer work by the end of the summer, and I would like a more professional job. Serving food is ok as a part-time job, but I'm 23 and I don't feel like I'm fulfilling my potential or even being challenged. The only problem is I don't have the experience or qualifications to apply for a more professional job. I'm going to have a look later and see what I can find but there is a job shortage and a major problem is the amount of people going for one job.
I can understand employers wanting someone with experience, but without someone giving us novice's a chance no-one can get any experience! I'm just a bit over eager to get out there an form a career I think. I'm impatient and i really want to be living the life I imagine myself living in about 5-10 years from now.
Well, hopefully next time I'll have something a bit more interesting to natter about!
Friday 4 March 2011
nearly spring!
I was walking Carla today and I noticed that the snowdrops are out and the daffodils are starting to bloom...it's nearly spring! I love spring and summer, the worlds full of colour and the weather always puts me in a good mood. Springs a good time to start resolutions aswell.
In the new year it's still wintery and cold, no-one feels much like being active and resolutions fade fast. But spring is a time of change in nature and it's the perfect time to start resolutions according to psychologists. We're in the right mindset and it's a good time to start gentle exercises to get our bodies ready for being more physically active. No-one wants to do a lot in winter, especially me, it's cold outside and I'm always warm and snuggled under a blanket. But spring and summer bring the warm weather and everyone wants to get outside and do something, even if it's just a walk or playing frisbee in the park.
I love going to festivals. Though i can't afford to this year so I'm planning lots of drives to parks/beaches etc and having picnics. I can take Carla then and get her out and about.
I usually make loads of plans for the summer but then can't do them as I'm either working to much and don't have the time or not working at all and don't have the money. This year I'm in a job that really doesn't overload me with hours in the holidays, no matter how much I beg for them, so I might have the perfect balance of time and money. Plus, with the warmer weather on the way, the car boots are starting again. I've already done a clear out and got a lot of stuff I can get rid of. Just hopefully I can sell it all!.
I'd also like to go away for a day or two, somewhere in the country where we can take Carla and relax for a bit. Hopefully colley will get some days off, he does have a week at the beginning of June, but I dont want that to be the only week we have to enjoy the summer! He usually works about 6 days a week and I feel bad filling his day off with activites. I'm just like him, after working 6 days I'd like a day to lie in and do nothing.
Also, I have to start working on my dissertation over the summer. But I want a nice balance between work, coursework and summer fun. I'm still young and determined to enjoy life as much as possible while I have the time.
In the new year it's still wintery and cold, no-one feels much like being active and resolutions fade fast. But spring is a time of change in nature and it's the perfect time to start resolutions according to psychologists. We're in the right mindset and it's a good time to start gentle exercises to get our bodies ready for being more physically active. No-one wants to do a lot in winter, especially me, it's cold outside and I'm always warm and snuggled under a blanket. But spring and summer bring the warm weather and everyone wants to get outside and do something, even if it's just a walk or playing frisbee in the park.
I love going to festivals. Though i can't afford to this year so I'm planning lots of drives to parks/beaches etc and having picnics. I can take Carla then and get her out and about.
I usually make loads of plans for the summer but then can't do them as I'm either working to much and don't have the time or not working at all and don't have the money. This year I'm in a job that really doesn't overload me with hours in the holidays, no matter how much I beg for them, so I might have the perfect balance of time and money. Plus, with the warmer weather on the way, the car boots are starting again. I've already done a clear out and got a lot of stuff I can get rid of. Just hopefully I can sell it all!.
I'd also like to go away for a day or two, somewhere in the country where we can take Carla and relax for a bit. Hopefully colley will get some days off, he does have a week at the beginning of June, but I dont want that to be the only week we have to enjoy the summer! He usually works about 6 days a week and I feel bad filling his day off with activites. I'm just like him, after working 6 days I'd like a day to lie in and do nothing.
Also, I have to start working on my dissertation over the summer. But I want a nice balance between work, coursework and summer fun. I'm still young and determined to enjoy life as much as possible while I have the time.
Monday 21 February 2011
12 things I'd like to do before I'm 30...
Well, feeling like mush so not going into Uni today, seem to feel better when I'm warm and sitting still. I feel a bit bad as Im not as active as normal and not feeling upto playing with Carla. She seemed a little bored so i gave her her kong toy stuffed full of treats, and she said thank you by running off into the living room with it so I cant even watch her play! I'm quite settled in bed now. I'm trying to entice her back into the bedroom but I think she's ignoring me ....I'm just dreading hearing the crash of the TV breaking as she swings that thing about.
I was having a little hunt through stufff yesterday looking for something, and found a book I had forgotten about. It's a nice notepad in which I had wrote a list of my life plans and what I wanted to achieve. My career plans have changed now so I had to ammend those as I've found out profiling isn't really an English thing and if you do get a chance to do one, it doesn't pay. But reading that list got me thinking about how much of those ambitions I would like to see achieved by the time I'm 30, which is only 7 years away now, and time goes so quickly. So here's a list of what I would like to have done by the big 3-0 bitrthday:
When I was in high school and looked forward into the future I thought I would have done a lot more by now. I pictured myself in a successful job, with my own house. But things pop up that you don't expect. I didn't feel ready to go straight into Uni when I moved to the West Midlands at 18, and I believe it would have been a mistake if I had ignored those feelings and gone for it anyway. It would have been a whole different experience; a different uni, different people, a lot further to travel and probably a whole lot more stressful. I feel I can handle it all much better now. But it's funny how life does turn out. You can make all these plans and daydream about what you want to be doing in 5, 10, 15 years time, but how often does it work out exactly like you imagined? Rarely is probably the answer for alot of people. You never know what opportunities are around the corner.
Well I hope that's got you thinking about what you'd like to get acomplished. Carla's back in the chair next to the bed now, looking a bit tubby. When I feel better she can come with me on my runs, get us both into shape for race for life this year. I'd best go be productive since I'm not going into Uni. Get some more work done.
xx
I was having a little hunt through stufff yesterday looking for something, and found a book I had forgotten about. It's a nice notepad in which I had wrote a list of my life plans and what I wanted to achieve. My career plans have changed now so I had to ammend those as I've found out profiling isn't really an English thing and if you do get a chance to do one, it doesn't pay. But reading that list got me thinking about how much of those ambitions I would like to see achieved by the time I'm 30, which is only 7 years away now, and time goes so quickly. So here's a list of what I would like to have done by the big 3-0 bitrthday:
- Completed my undergraduate degree
- Started working for the HM Prison Service
- Started my Masters degree in Investigative and Forensic Psychology
- Moved into our first house
- Gotten married
- Skydived
- Visited China and Japan
- Run the 10K race for life every year, starting in 2011 (and hopefully without to much struggle!)
- Have a journal article published in a Psychological Journal
- Started writing a book
- Crowd surfed at a gig (which Ive still not done but it looks like so much fun)
- Learnt a martial art (I am currently a yellow belt in Jiu Jitsu but it's been so long since I've been I don't feel I deserve it anymore).
When I was in high school and looked forward into the future I thought I would have done a lot more by now. I pictured myself in a successful job, with my own house. But things pop up that you don't expect. I didn't feel ready to go straight into Uni when I moved to the West Midlands at 18, and I believe it would have been a mistake if I had ignored those feelings and gone for it anyway. It would have been a whole different experience; a different uni, different people, a lot further to travel and probably a whole lot more stressful. I feel I can handle it all much better now. But it's funny how life does turn out. You can make all these plans and daydream about what you want to be doing in 5, 10, 15 years time, but how often does it work out exactly like you imagined? Rarely is probably the answer for alot of people. You never know what opportunities are around the corner.
Well I hope that's got you thinking about what you'd like to get acomplished. Carla's back in the chair next to the bed now, looking a bit tubby. When I feel better she can come with me on my runs, get us both into shape for race for life this year. I'd best go be productive since I'm not going into Uni. Get some more work done.
xx
Saturday 19 February 2011
just a quickie
Just a quickie today to catch up and say hello.
Back to work this weekend after having last weekend off for London. A 11-7:30 shift! may not sound like a lot but time drags in that place. My feet are killing me!
I'm hoping Colleys dad gets his shower fixed soon as it's too cold here to have a bath, even in the middle of summer it's freezing in this flat's bathroom. I'm going to have another inquirey/nag as to the progress of contacting someone to instal it in a bit. I'm having to wash just using the sink, which is ok first thing in the morning but you cant really have a relaxing shower/soak after work in a sink. But because its so cold I've been keeping my dressing gown draped over my shoulders! Oh I cant wait for the days we have our own place and can afford central heating.
Think I may use a facemask and make myself feel better with some piping hot veggie soup and bread and then maybe settle down for the night and do some of my rationale for research skills at uni. Sounds like a relaxing plan for a saturday night, ready for a busy, active sunday :-)
Back to work this weekend after having last weekend off for London. A 11-7:30 shift! may not sound like a lot but time drags in that place. My feet are killing me!
I'm hoping Colleys dad gets his shower fixed soon as it's too cold here to have a bath, even in the middle of summer it's freezing in this flat's bathroom. I'm going to have another inquirey/nag as to the progress of contacting someone to instal it in a bit. I'm having to wash just using the sink, which is ok first thing in the morning but you cant really have a relaxing shower/soak after work in a sink. But because its so cold I've been keeping my dressing gown draped over my shoulders! Oh I cant wait for the days we have our own place and can afford central heating.
Think I may use a facemask and make myself feel better with some piping hot veggie soup and bread and then maybe settle down for the night and do some of my rationale for research skills at uni. Sounds like a relaxing plan for a saturday night, ready for a busy, active sunday :-)
Wednesday 16 February 2011
blood practicals and sticky plaster finger puppets
We had a practical for biological psychology today and it was a little strange. The experiment was on blood glucose levels and our concentration. In order to measure our blood glucose levels we had to use these little disposable automatic needle things to prick our fingers and then put the blood droplets on a little automatic reader. Each time we had to give two samples to try and get an accurate reading, but according to the technician (who was wearing a big white coat that had stains on it that looked alot like blood!) I didn't do it properly the first time so I had to do it again! It hurt loads the second time around! After that and a memory test about a global warming video, we had to drink this orange squash with sugar (i think) in it.
The juice reminded me of the cheap juice that schools and nurserys give to kids at lunch or during kids parties as cinemas. Rather strong and tastes absolutly nothing like orange juice! We then had to give more blood (different finger this time!) and do another memory test. It felt kinda wierd to be giving blood for a university experiment, and the readings I got were a little odd. They told us not to make any assumptions about our health based on this one, not always accurate, test, but the normal levels were between 5 and 7 whatchamacallits. I had chocolate cereal and a really sugary tea about an hour before the practical and my levels were about 4.3. After the really sugary drink they were still 4.3. Now I know it's not accurate but it is a little unsettling to be told that after chcocolate, and two sugary drinks your blood glucose level is still below normal range! Another girl measured 2.4 on her first sample though, which made me feel better, but considering we were told 1.5 means you're dead...well she didn't feel to enthusiastic after that!
It was one of those days as well today where I knew I'd forgotten something but I really couldnt remember what...then I realised when I was on the bus to uni that I'd forgotten my phone and was meant to ring my fiance to make sure he remembered to feed the animals before he went to work. Usually I'm always playing games on my phone while on the bus as it just makes the journey so much quicker! Today, I decided to people watch..and people are boring! No-one did anything of interest. So, on the way back home with my two fingers wrapped in sticky plasters to stop them bleeding after the samples, I made finger puppets!
It truly is amazing how much entertainment two sticky plasters with faces and hair drew on them can give a person. Mercifully, the top deck of the bus only had one other person on it and they stayed at the back while I sat at the front so I didn't get to many wierd looks. Hey! A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to amuse herself! I recently found my ipod again and uploaded Murderdolls so my two little finger people were moshing to their new album and some of Wednesday 13's solo stuff. Unfortunatly, the two puppet moshers are now in the bin as they started to get a bit tatty and fluff from my glove added to the wild hair I drew. Rest In Peace little rockers.
Well, I'd better stop procrastinating and actually get on with some uni work (boo! roll on summer hols...I wanna break!).
Bye.
x
The juice reminded me of the cheap juice that schools and nurserys give to kids at lunch or during kids parties as cinemas. Rather strong and tastes absolutly nothing like orange juice! We then had to give more blood (different finger this time!) and do another memory test. It felt kinda wierd to be giving blood for a university experiment, and the readings I got were a little odd. They told us not to make any assumptions about our health based on this one, not always accurate, test, but the normal levels were between 5 and 7 whatchamacallits. I had chocolate cereal and a really sugary tea about an hour before the practical and my levels were about 4.3. After the really sugary drink they were still 4.3. Now I know it's not accurate but it is a little unsettling to be told that after chcocolate, and two sugary drinks your blood glucose level is still below normal range! Another girl measured 2.4 on her first sample though, which made me feel better, but considering we were told 1.5 means you're dead...well she didn't feel to enthusiastic after that!
It was one of those days as well today where I knew I'd forgotten something but I really couldnt remember what...then I realised when I was on the bus to uni that I'd forgotten my phone and was meant to ring my fiance to make sure he remembered to feed the animals before he went to work. Usually I'm always playing games on my phone while on the bus as it just makes the journey so much quicker! Today, I decided to people watch..and people are boring! No-one did anything of interest. So, on the way back home with my two fingers wrapped in sticky plasters to stop them bleeding after the samples, I made finger puppets!
It truly is amazing how much entertainment two sticky plasters with faces and hair drew on them can give a person. Mercifully, the top deck of the bus only had one other person on it and they stayed at the back while I sat at the front so I didn't get to many wierd looks. Hey! A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to amuse herself! I recently found my ipod again and uploaded Murderdolls so my two little finger people were moshing to their new album and some of Wednesday 13's solo stuff. Unfortunatly, the two puppet moshers are now in the bin as they started to get a bit tatty and fluff from my glove added to the wild hair I drew. Rest In Peace little rockers.
Well, I'd better stop procrastinating and actually get on with some uni work (boo! roll on summer hols...I wanna break!).
Bye.
x
Tuesday 15 February 2011
London Antics
So went down to London this weekend to see one of my best friends and had a great time.
I havent seen her in over a year and was taking down a long overdue birthday present....goldfish! I forgot to put them back in the plastic bag before we set off so we travelled from Dudley to Wolverhampton on the bus with a full tank of water and 2 little fishes scared out of their wits! When we got to Wolvo though a nice man in the pet shop put the fish in a bag for us and emtpied the tank of water. That was such a relief as I couldnt really walk that quickly carrying it and we had to get 2 trains and the tube. Still got quite a few funny looks on the train though. I dont think it's often people travel with goldfish!
They made it safe and sound though, which is the main thing, and the lid is secure enough on the tank so my friends cat can't get them. It did seem to enjoy sitting on the windowsill watching them. The Friday night my friend took us to one of her friends parties, with an underwater theme, which was great as I got to meet all her University friends. Colley wanted to dress up so he put on his goggles and flippers. Rather amusing watching him try and walk around the flat in flippers...he was waddling like a penguin! Some people's costumes were pretty well thought out. One guy painted a box and decorated it like a locker and wore it on his head. Can anyone guess what he was...? Thats right, Davey Jone's locker! One girl made a hat and came as a jelly fish and another made a big fish mask/hat thing. They all looked great.
Saturday didn't quite go as we planned it. We hit Camden Town for a bit of shopping, and everytime I go there I experience dress envy, and feel totally underdressed! It is an amazing place, expensive, but beautiful. I finally got a new bag for Uni, and since all the trousers were mega expensive I got a new top and Colley managed to get a tshirt, waistcoat and this cool jumper for £60. The jumper has zips on the hood and sleeves so you can turn it into a tshirt. Trying to get back to my mates was a nightmare though. Rush hour on the tube with probably 100 people trying to get through the doors and barriers? No ta! We caught the bus to a quieter station.
As it was my birthday the week before, we were going to go on a Ripper Walk on Saturday night as my birthday treat, but I don't think London was ready to make my dream come true quite yet. The internet said the meetin time was at 7:30 outside Tower Hill station so we set off in plenty of time and made it to Whitechapel quite quickly. However, the tube we needed to get to Tower Hill was closed over the weekend! Thankfully there was a replacement bus service, which took ages to turn up and then we had to wait as it was dangerously close to overheating. By this time I'd resigned myself to the fact we probably had missed the walk, but my friend was determined to get us there and was getting rather riled. It's not often I see her like that and she's funny. We finally arrived at Tower Hill station and found the meeting point, only to be told by posters that the walks started at 6:30!!! We missed the walk by a whole hour! On the plus side I got to see the castle and tower all lit up at night.
It's really beautiful. The picture may not be great quality as I took it on my phone. A new plan was needed and since we were aleady in Tower Hill we decided...lets find a pub! I'd never been that close to Tower Bridge before so we took a walk over that before walking down the side of the Thames.
It doesn't take as long as what it looks like it will, though it is really windy. I think this is the bridge in the London episodes of Bones that they're sitting waiting to see open and when it finally does Booth and Bones have their backs to it.
We managed to find a nice pub, well it was the first one we came to but it was still nice. Had a giggle at the name. We all had a pint at The Horniman. The full name is the horniman at Hayes but The Horniman was funnier.
Sunday was a quieter day. My other friend who shares the house was camped out on the Strand waiting for the Baftas so the plan was to take her lunch, get some for outselves and then get back to Euston for our train home. Again, London din't like that. There were loads of tube closures so we only managed to get to London Bridge before having to find a bus. First we got the wrong bus stop, then after waiting yonks outside the London Dungeon (which is another place I'm just dying to go to) for our bus we checked the travel information to find out that the bus we were waiting for was experiencing severe delays because of road works and would not be stopping at our stop. Pants! In the end we managed to get another tube to the other end of the Strand, but because we had out bags and the time it took to get there, my friend left us at Maccys while she ran our other mate her lunch before meeting us back at Maccys so she could take us to Euston. Thankfully there were no more delays or interuptions! We managed to get to Euston with 40 mins to kill before the train left.
Despite all the travel mayhem, we had a great time and it was lovely to see my friend again. I'm going to try and get back down in the summer so we can do the Ripper Walk, and we're gonna get there an hour early just in case!
I havent seen her in over a year and was taking down a long overdue birthday present....goldfish! I forgot to put them back in the plastic bag before we set off so we travelled from Dudley to Wolverhampton on the bus with a full tank of water and 2 little fishes scared out of their wits! When we got to Wolvo though a nice man in the pet shop put the fish in a bag for us and emtpied the tank of water. That was such a relief as I couldnt really walk that quickly carrying it and we had to get 2 trains and the tube. Still got quite a few funny looks on the train though. I dont think it's often people travel with goldfish!
They made it safe and sound though, which is the main thing, and the lid is secure enough on the tank so my friends cat can't get them. It did seem to enjoy sitting on the windowsill watching them. The Friday night my friend took us to one of her friends parties, with an underwater theme, which was great as I got to meet all her University friends. Colley wanted to dress up so he put on his goggles and flippers. Rather amusing watching him try and walk around the flat in flippers...he was waddling like a penguin! Some people's costumes were pretty well thought out. One guy painted a box and decorated it like a locker and wore it on his head. Can anyone guess what he was...? Thats right, Davey Jone's locker! One girl made a hat and came as a jelly fish and another made a big fish mask/hat thing. They all looked great.
Saturday didn't quite go as we planned it. We hit Camden Town for a bit of shopping, and everytime I go there I experience dress envy, and feel totally underdressed! It is an amazing place, expensive, but beautiful. I finally got a new bag for Uni, and since all the trousers were mega expensive I got a new top and Colley managed to get a tshirt, waistcoat and this cool jumper for £60. The jumper has zips on the hood and sleeves so you can turn it into a tshirt. Trying to get back to my mates was a nightmare though. Rush hour on the tube with probably 100 people trying to get through the doors and barriers? No ta! We caught the bus to a quieter station.
As it was my birthday the week before, we were going to go on a Ripper Walk on Saturday night as my birthday treat, but I don't think London was ready to make my dream come true quite yet. The internet said the meetin time was at 7:30 outside Tower Hill station so we set off in plenty of time and made it to Whitechapel quite quickly. However, the tube we needed to get to Tower Hill was closed over the weekend! Thankfully there was a replacement bus service, which took ages to turn up and then we had to wait as it was dangerously close to overheating. By this time I'd resigned myself to the fact we probably had missed the walk, but my friend was determined to get us there and was getting rather riled. It's not often I see her like that and she's funny. We finally arrived at Tower Hill station and found the meeting point, only to be told by posters that the walks started at 6:30!!! We missed the walk by a whole hour! On the plus side I got to see the castle and tower all lit up at night.
It doesn't take as long as what it looks like it will, though it is really windy. I think this is the bridge in the London episodes of Bones that they're sitting waiting to see open and when it finally does Booth and Bones have their backs to it.
We managed to find a nice pub, well it was the first one we came to but it was still nice. Had a giggle at the name. We all had a pint at The Horniman. The full name is the horniman at Hayes but The Horniman was funnier.
Sunday was a quieter day. My other friend who shares the house was camped out on the Strand waiting for the Baftas so the plan was to take her lunch, get some for outselves and then get back to Euston for our train home. Again, London din't like that. There were loads of tube closures so we only managed to get to London Bridge before having to find a bus. First we got the wrong bus stop, then after waiting yonks outside the London Dungeon (which is another place I'm just dying to go to) for our bus we checked the travel information to find out that the bus we were waiting for was experiencing severe delays because of road works and would not be stopping at our stop. Pants! In the end we managed to get another tube to the other end of the Strand, but because we had out bags and the time it took to get there, my friend left us at Maccys while she ran our other mate her lunch before meeting us back at Maccys so she could take us to Euston. Thankfully there were no more delays or interuptions! We managed to get to Euston with 40 mins to kill before the train left.
Despite all the travel mayhem, we had a great time and it was lovely to see my friend again. I'm going to try and get back down in the summer so we can do the Ripper Walk, and we're gonna get there an hour early just in case!
Thursday 3 February 2011
2011 so far
So with one month of 2011 behind us, how is everyone doing?
After that disasterous presentation at the start of the year I was feeling really down and dispirited with myself and my abilities. I was questionning whether I had chosen the right degree, was I capable etc... we got our grades a couple of weeks ago and I managed to get 2 As and a B. I still get those depressed feelings and thoughts from time to time but I'm feeling decidely more hopeful than I did at the start of the year.
Home wise, we're moving back in with my fiances dad. Not my first choice but we cannot afford to live on our own at the moment and it's better than putting myself into even more debt and creating debt for my other half. We're going to wait til I'm working full time out of university and we can comfortably afford somewhere, perhaps a house with a garden for Carla. It's a bit of a nightmare having a mountain of uni work to do plus all our stuff to pack, move and organise yet again, but since it's only across the hall then we're doing it a bit at a time to avoid to much stress. I'm going to miss the independence and having our own private space but I know it's the best thing to do right now.
I'm off to jolly London in a week or so to visit one of my best friends and take her her long overdue birthday present of goldfish. The train and tube journeys ought to be interesting! we're going to a party and on a Ripper walk so I'm quite wet your pants excited :-) it's only a weekend but I'm gonna try and get down again in the summer.
Carla's doing well at training class, at least until this week. Right at the start of class she came into season, started dripping blood on the floor. We managed to get her out before any of the boys noticed. But apart from being a bit put out at wearing doggie pants (i am NOT cleaning blood out of cream carpets) she's her usual happy self.
All in all, apart from a couple of rough days, 2011 is feeling better so far than 2010. hears hoping it continues that way!
Sarah
xx
After that disasterous presentation at the start of the year I was feeling really down and dispirited with myself and my abilities. I was questionning whether I had chosen the right degree, was I capable etc... we got our grades a couple of weeks ago and I managed to get 2 As and a B. I still get those depressed feelings and thoughts from time to time but I'm feeling decidely more hopeful than I did at the start of the year.
Home wise, we're moving back in with my fiances dad. Not my first choice but we cannot afford to live on our own at the moment and it's better than putting myself into even more debt and creating debt for my other half. We're going to wait til I'm working full time out of university and we can comfortably afford somewhere, perhaps a house with a garden for Carla. It's a bit of a nightmare having a mountain of uni work to do plus all our stuff to pack, move and organise yet again, but since it's only across the hall then we're doing it a bit at a time to avoid to much stress. I'm going to miss the independence and having our own private space but I know it's the best thing to do right now.
I'm off to jolly London in a week or so to visit one of my best friends and take her her long overdue birthday present of goldfish. The train and tube journeys ought to be interesting! we're going to a party and on a Ripper walk so I'm quite wet your pants excited :-) it's only a weekend but I'm gonna try and get down again in the summer.
Carla's doing well at training class, at least until this week. Right at the start of class she came into season, started dripping blood on the floor. We managed to get her out before any of the boys noticed. But apart from being a bit put out at wearing doggie pants (i am NOT cleaning blood out of cream carpets) she's her usual happy self.
All in all, apart from a couple of rough days, 2011 is feeling better so far than 2010. hears hoping it continues that way!
Sarah
xx
Sunday 16 January 2011
wellies, weather and wet dog
Just got back from taking the dog for a walk and looks like I made it just in time. It was just a drizzle when we were out now it's chucking it down! Carla doesn't mind the rain to much, but I think she prefers wearing her coat if we need to go out in it.
It was a better walk than we had the other day. Carla runs free across the fields and nature reserve as she has to much energy for me to try and walk her on the lead. We got to the top of the nature reserve the other day and Carla wanted to go and say hello to a Whippet that was coming from the other way. The owner freaked. Held the dog behind her back and was doing her best to stay as far away from Carla as possible, screeching "No! Get back!" over and over again. Carla's a friendly dog, but no-one sees that. They just see the Staff in her and get scared. And that's all because of bad owners mistreating their dogs and giving the breed a bad name.
Today was better though. She did stay on the lead as we were walking with my fiance's mums dog and she's an oldie who doesn't really tolerate much silliness from Carla. We decided to go down by the canals, though I think we should have took a different route...there were so many people fishing! Every 10 feet or so. And not fishing like I know it, with a rod and reel. They had a rod, but it slotted into longer poles and they just held it over the canals. They must have reached 15 feet. I don't mind people fishing, but we did have to stop every time we came near one so they could move these poles out the way!
I think the weather was helping them. There always seem to be more people fishing when it's raining than at any other time. Now if I fished, I'd like to do it when it's nice weather! I hate sitting about in the rain, but then again I don't have the patience to sit there for hours and possibly not catch anything.
I know this entry's been a little dull, but not a lot has happened. It was a little insight into my lazy Sunday anyway :-)
It was a better walk than we had the other day. Carla runs free across the fields and nature reserve as she has to much energy for me to try and walk her on the lead. We got to the top of the nature reserve the other day and Carla wanted to go and say hello to a Whippet that was coming from the other way. The owner freaked. Held the dog behind her back and was doing her best to stay as far away from Carla as possible, screeching "No! Get back!" over and over again. Carla's a friendly dog, but no-one sees that. They just see the Staff in her and get scared. And that's all because of bad owners mistreating their dogs and giving the breed a bad name.
Today was better though. She did stay on the lead as we were walking with my fiance's mums dog and she's an oldie who doesn't really tolerate much silliness from Carla. We decided to go down by the canals, though I think we should have took a different route...there were so many people fishing! Every 10 feet or so. And not fishing like I know it, with a rod and reel. They had a rod, but it slotted into longer poles and they just held it over the canals. They must have reached 15 feet. I don't mind people fishing, but we did have to stop every time we came near one so they could move these poles out the way!
I think the weather was helping them. There always seem to be more people fishing when it's raining than at any other time. Now if I fished, I'd like to do it when it's nice weather! I hate sitting about in the rain, but then again I don't have the patience to sit there for hours and possibly not catch anything.
I know this entry's been a little dull, but not a lot has happened. It was a little insight into my lazy Sunday anyway :-)
Monday 10 January 2011
Presentation and depression
Today I had to go into Uni for a group presentation on a case study of our choice.
We chose to study Johnny, a 4 yr old who gets on well with peers but isn't developing as fast as the rest of his class. I won't go into details as it's not that interesting.
We all had our areas of research to present as briefly as possible, bearing in mind we had a group of 6 and only a 10 minute presentation. My material has been done since the end of last semester. I prepared one slide with bullet points and wrote myself a script to follow so I could elaborate on those bullet points. Rehearsing at home I think I bored the dog but I could read my slide in one minute, which gave me 30 seconds spare.
My history of presentations hasnt gone well. I get incredibly nervous, my hands and body shake visably, my voice wobbles and I fidget, but I believed today I would be OK as there were 5 other people standing there with me......WRONG!! I was fine until it cam to my turn to talk and as per usual my nerves got the better off me. I could see the lecturer watching me carefully and I hope she understood what I said I really do. I don't want to be marked down for rushing it. My hands shook so badly I couldn't even read my script.
Typically after a presentation is over, people are happy. Its done and dusted with, don't need to worry no more. I came out of that room more depressed than when I went in. Recently, my self confidence hasn't been at an all time high and I've been doubting my ability to succeed in my chosen career. So I came with an alternative. If I can't achieve my chosen career maybe I could lecture in Investigative Psychology. But after today my confidence has hit rock bottom.If I can't talk to 30 people for one minute about Vygotsky's Socio-cultural Theory then how can I talk to 150+ students for 1-2 hours on Investigative Psychology??? How am I going to cope if I ever have to give a presentation at work in the future??? I'm depressed, disappointed and disgusted with myself.,
I believe now might be the time to seek some sort of help with public speaking. There's another presentation this semester in research methods, and I'm dreading it already and hoping it's not an individual one. All I feel like doing now is curling up in a ball under the duvet and balling my eyes out at my pathetic attempt to appear professional. Maybe I should book and appointment with the University Counsellor......
We chose to study Johnny, a 4 yr old who gets on well with peers but isn't developing as fast as the rest of his class. I won't go into details as it's not that interesting.
We all had our areas of research to present as briefly as possible, bearing in mind we had a group of 6 and only a 10 minute presentation. My material has been done since the end of last semester. I prepared one slide with bullet points and wrote myself a script to follow so I could elaborate on those bullet points. Rehearsing at home I think I bored the dog but I could read my slide in one minute, which gave me 30 seconds spare.
My history of presentations hasnt gone well. I get incredibly nervous, my hands and body shake visably, my voice wobbles and I fidget, but I believed today I would be OK as there were 5 other people standing there with me......WRONG!! I was fine until it cam to my turn to talk and as per usual my nerves got the better off me. I could see the lecturer watching me carefully and I hope she understood what I said I really do. I don't want to be marked down for rushing it. My hands shook so badly I couldn't even read my script.
Typically after a presentation is over, people are happy. Its done and dusted with, don't need to worry no more. I came out of that room more depressed than when I went in. Recently, my self confidence hasn't been at an all time high and I've been doubting my ability to succeed in my chosen career. So I came with an alternative. If I can't achieve my chosen career maybe I could lecture in Investigative Psychology. But after today my confidence has hit rock bottom.If I can't talk to 30 people for one minute about Vygotsky's Socio-cultural Theory then how can I talk to 150+ students for 1-2 hours on Investigative Psychology??? How am I going to cope if I ever have to give a presentation at work in the future??? I'm depressed, disappointed and disgusted with myself.,
I believe now might be the time to seek some sort of help with public speaking. There's another presentation this semester in research methods, and I'm dreading it already and hoping it's not an individual one. All I feel like doing now is curling up in a ball under the duvet and balling my eyes out at my pathetic attempt to appear professional. Maybe I should book and appointment with the University Counsellor......
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